It isn’t everyday that someone tries to know me. It happened a couple times in high school, only five times in college, and only twice since then. That makes a total of about ten times that someone has been able to stomach the catastrophe of knowing me. I know I am a difficult person. I voice my opinion strongly. I eagerly attempt to be correct at any sort of declaration I make. I study and search to understand behavior. I am quite vocal against nonsense and statements that do not fit. I have very little difficulty telling someone they are wrong, and I will defend my position until the death unless someone can convince me that I am incorrect. So who am I?
To answer that question takes a great deal more space than I wish to take on this page. I am a conglomeration of philosophy, science, and passion. I enjoy reason, and often it takes precedent over emotion. That being said, sometimes emotion overwhelms me, and I lose it all. I know myself . . . but you probably never will.
My history is vast, but to sum it up, I enjoy mathematics, science, writing, reading, and I was a Track and Field athlete from high school through four years of division 1 competition. I enjoy being outdoors, but have never, with vigor, taken up hunting, fishing, snowboarding, skiing, or any of these activities. I like to be lost in the wild, to hike where people don’t go, and see things reserved for nature alone. I like to pee outside, and, if it were appropriate, I would like to run around naked in the wilderness. I’m a pretty good shot, but I don’t go shooting. I am pretty good at athletics, but I no longer play. I am the only athlete I have known who does not overly enjoy watching athletics on TV. One of my sister’s can’t stand me, but I get along with almost all my family. During reunions I am not allowed to speak to my father at the dinner table or when the remainder of the family is present (lest we upset the happiness cart with ideas that confuse the remainder of those present).
I have studied love and hate for years. Nothing has shaken my understanding of what they are, but my understanding expands daily. I have only loved romantically three women in my life: one in high school, one after, and my wife. I have never stopped loving them, nor will I ever stop. My feelings have never changed for any of them, but I don’t act or express those feelings any more. The love, however, is there, and always will be. It is their’s. As far as loving my family and others it is the same love, only differently experienced. I don’t believe we ever stop loving anyone, else our love was not love at all. So all this being said, I love everybody, I hardly tolerate a lot of what they do, but I love truth, those who are true to themselves, and the human spirit in us all. I love all creation and have difficulty killing anything without reason. I hate with the same intensity. I hate deceit with more vengeance than anything else. I hate abandonment and betrayal as well, but it is the deceit and deception that forces the end of a relationship with me.
So this is me…..or at least a fraction of me.
